Unhappy With Your Weight VS Unhappy With Your Physique

Earlier today I typed up a post about how I was going to go back to the start of the Dukan Diet and lose another 20 lbs. I had the whole thing typed up. I was going to start my attack phase the day after I returned form my vacation and that was that, and no matter what anyone would say to me, I could still lose 20 lbs and be at a healthy weight and if anyone had anything to say about it they were wrong because blah blah blah.

Well then, you must be wondering what happened.

I had people saying go for it, I had people saying don't. I wasn't listening to those who said don't. I was still doing it. I'm currently right at the tip for a normal and healthy BMI. I could lose 20 lbs and still be normal and healthy, there are people way thinner than me and no one looks at them and says "Boy she is way too skinny!" No, I could be thinner and it would be healthy.

I was pissed off actually, with the people who said don't do it... Because you know what, if I had always weighed this (155lbs at 5'6.5") and said I wanted to lose 20 lbs then people would be so happy that I was being more health conscious. But because I started off so heavy and have already lost 110 lbs, I feel like people are thinking negatively of my frame of mind, thinking I had changed my eating disorder from overeating to undereating as so many people do, or even that I am addicted to the weight loss.

I think I then realised that I am thin. I might hate my body, a lot. A lot a lot a lot, but I am thin. So I think I need to realise that I am unhappy with my physique and not my weight.

What I am trying to say is that I need to work out, and get fit. This might make me lose more weight and that would be amazing... but it shouldn't be about the number.

Now I have tried too many times to hit the gym consistently. I have tried having a gym partner, motivating myself, writing about it every day on facebook to keep me accountable, signing up for classes I enjoy, tried changing gyms to a gym I prefer. Nothing works for me. If you have been reading my blog you will know that I do not have the willpower for the gym. I might have done this harsh, strict diet and lost 110 lbs without cheating... but when it comes to the gym, forget about it.

I think I have decided that I will get a personal trainer. They are so expensive, really ridiculously overpriced... but I think I have exhausted all my other resources. I just simply cannot force myself to go and when I do go, I cheat at my workouts and half-ass it like crazy.

I need someone in my face, I need to make the appointment and feel guilted into staying and working out hard. So I'm going to look into it, and get a personal trainer. Fml.

Ahhh what an emotionally draining day, really.

Any tips and tricks to stay motivated when it comes to exercise? Anyone?

xoxo