Prawn Saves the Day - A Little Reality Check

Oooh and the self doubt starts to creep in.

So yesterday I was at the gym for 2 hours. I left feeling like I hadn't accomplished anything. When I was home I wrote out what I had done at the gym and it seemed impossible that that could fill up 2 hours, so what did I do with my time?

I got really down on myself, really sad about this whole bodybuilding dream I have set out for myself. I started leafing through my one bodybuilding magazine, looking at videos online as well as pictures of the women competing and the only thought that went through my head "I could never look like that... in a BILLION years, I clearly don't put in the effort. If I did, I would look even a teensy bit like them after 5 weeks of working out.. no?"

So Prawn came home from work to see a mopey, down on herself wannabe-bodybuilder. Who had (thankfully) not cheated on her new, stricter diet, but was just sitting in bed tearing up. Anyways it was all very sad to see.

So, being the nice guy he is, The Prawn told me to stand up and go in front of the mirror. Did a little excercise with me. 

The Prawn: Tell me one part of your body you hate about yourself and why.

Me: My legs because they lack definition and are flabby, big, and hard to workout.

The Prawn: Now tell me one part you love, and why.

Me: My collar bone because it sticks out and I didn't have to do any work for it, it just looks perfect and sexy.

And on and on, until I ran out of things I liked. A grand total of 3 things. Then I proceeded to tell him the 50 things I didn't like, as in my usual fashion when I'm in these moods.

He smiled at me and said that not even 11 months ago, not even 6 months ago, we could have done the same exercise and do you know what I would have said? The only part I liked about myself would have been my breasts, because they attract guys and they are big.

That doesn't sound very great now does it... Not a good body part to love and especially not for that reason. All my current reasons for loving my body are because of me, I love them because I think they look attractive, not because men will find me attractive because of it.

Hopefully with continuing hard work by this time next year the things I love about my body will triple again! Only time and dedication will tell.

So I'll keep at it, I'm no quitter. These girls I'm obsessing over the internet all started off skinny, athletic, my start point was 264,8 lbs. I can't be expected to look exactly like they do after only 5 weeks, but I will after months of continued work, so I have to put in the effort. It's hard you guys.

xoxo